Well, I haven't updated for a while but just to answer a few questions:
1. No, I'm not dead yet but I'm sure people wished otherwise
2. No, I haven't joined a Ukranian circus
3. I'm not Batman
4. I rule
5. A monkey did not bite my face off
6. No, I was not involved in a horrible boating accident that left me in a hospital for the last month with amnesia.
Really, I've just had a string of unfortunate events lately that have left me bummed out and stressed. Nothing that won't turn around. In any case, I leave you with this: